Under the Stars
by DarkEclipse45
Summary: Ilyana never thought that he would forgive her for not even saying goodbye. She reflects on what she might tell him. Secret Santa fic for Firefly567!


**Author's Note:** Okay, here you are, Firefly! You mentioned that you liked the Zihark/Ilyana pairing and they're one of my favorites as well, so I hope you enjoy this one. Sorry if it's not that great in quality, especially since I don't write Friendship/Romance themes that much anymore, but I hope you like it anyways.

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><p><strong>Under the Stars<strong>

The stars were always so bright out here.

The moon was nearly gone, mostly swallowed by darkness of its impending new phase this month and slowly descending into its waning crescent phase. On the outskirts of the Alliance's camp, far from the burning and smoky fires crowded by the beorc and laguz alike, only the stars were left to be seen and admired. They winked and filled the sky like tiny pinpricks in a dark blanket that had been draped over the world. There were so many of them, seemingly unlimited in number and Ilyana wondered just how something that appeared to be so small could take up so much space in the night sky, even in such large numbers. By all rights and regulations, she wasn't even supposed to be out here and away from the protective eyes of the guards that patrolled the camp. It had been deemed "too dangerous". Even on the south side of the river, separated from the Daein soldiers and protected by the oath sworn by General Zelgius of Begnion, there were still thieves and cutthroats to be found.

Ilyana lay on a hilltop just off the southwestern edge of the Ribahn, alone and secluded where there was very little chance of anyone finding her this far from camp. She didn't really think that anyone would notice that she was gone anyways, but she had still done her best to keep quiet as she had snuck out here hours before. It was far chillier than she felt it would be and made her wish that she had brought a blanket or cloak of some kind with her.

Even still, it was nights like this that reminded her of him.

Oddly enough, she didn't feel hungry at the moment despite the fact that she hadn't eaten as much as she usually did that night, sadly enough only receiving enough food that would satisfy to fully grown Tigers of the beast tribe. There had been something about Oscar complaining that he had to seemingly cook for nearly twice as many people as he normally did and then more about catching an elusive "beef jerky thief". All of it made Ilyana feel slightly regretful that she made the poor cook make so much more food than truly necessary.

But then again, she _was_ hungry, but not in the way she always was. This time her hunger was not just satiable by the savory and buttery crust of the meat pies she loved so much (particularly the ones she had gorged herself on back in Largo and Calill's shop only weeks ago). It was the fact that she longed to see Zihark again, if not only to tell him why she wasn't still at his side in the Daein army, on the side of those who professed to hate laguz and side with a country who had kept them so oppressed for three years. She yearned to see him again, if only for a few moments, just to see his face and hear his voice.

Ilyana knew that he would be there at the river tomorrow. That much was sure. If Micaiah and Sothe were here like Ike had said, that meant _he_ was here as well. He wouldn't allow his friends to take to the field without him. Would she find him alive and well, or would she find his body face-down in the river with three of Shinon's arrows through his back?

Ilyana shuddered at the thought.

She pushed the morbid thought aside. But even if she saw him again, why in the world would he want to speak with her? It was her fault anyways. She had _left_ him months ago and not even bothered to say goodbye to him. It made her heart sick. Ilyana had always been so adamant in the past years about treating others the best she could (largely because of "preaching" she had gotten from Zihark about not remembering people's names). She could use the excuse that she had been too hungry to think about anything else or that Muston had insisted on leaving Daein for Crimea as soon as possible. They had grown so close during the Mad King's War three years ago. In Daein, especially before the capital had been taken, he used to come and talk with her late at night after everyone but the night watch had gone to bed. They had never talked about anything important, but Ilyana had found solace and happiness in those precious moments they spent together. It was a way to forget about the horrors of war and the ever-present possibility that they may die the very next day.

Ilyana sighed deeply. The thought made her smile. He had always been there for her, whether the reasons were food-related (as they often were) or not. They would tell jokes, laughing until they cried and their sides ached. Some nights they would huddle close together by the dying embers of a fire and others they would sneak away and find a place where they could see the moon and stars, not caring when daybreak would come, if it ever did.

That was why nights like this were so special to her, yet they felt strangely empty without him by her side. But even if he had been by her side tonight, by whatever the circumstances, would he still think the same of her as he always had?

Ilyana still felt guilty, no matter what she kept telling herself. It hadn't been like this after the war when she had left with Muston and the other merchants to travel to Daein. They had at least given a heartfelt farewell to each other then. Zihark had been going in the same general direction as her, but he had been very insistent on the fact that their paths wouldn't cross again for some time. She hadn't known what he had meant at the time or what he had been doing, but Ilyana knew now that he had always had the intent of assisting in the rebuilding of his own country, that had been shattered and broken as much as Crimea had. He had been given a higher calling, one that placed him at the side of General Tauroneo and ultimately in the service to King Pelleas.

She couldn't forgive herself for what he may think of her. In fact, she refused to forgive herself until she saw him again. Ilyana couldn't bear to lose him in any way. Muston had once told her that the love of loss was the worst loss of all, as though he spoke of it from personal experience. Ilyana believed him; just thinking about such a thing was terrible. Ilyana couldn't say that she truly _loved_ Zihark, but friendship was a form of love, wasn't it?

What would she tell him?

A sudden voice interrupted her thoughts. "I thought that I might find you out here."

Ilyana scrambled to her feet at the voice and turned in the direction of the small patch of bushes growing on the northern side of the hill. A man stepped out to reveal himself and if had been anyone else except for _him_, Ilyana would have reached for her spell book. But even if she had reached for it, it just would have fallen dead from her hands when she saw him.

Zihark could obviously see the lump in her throat and decided to speak first with a smile on his face. "Hello, Ilyana. Out here enjoying the stars, I see."

Ilyana could barely force herself to speak and could only think of one thing to say. "W-What are you doing out here?" she stammered, trying to compose herself. "I thought…you would be on the other side of the river with the Daein army…"

"I thought I heard that Ike and the Greil Mercenaries were fighting for the Alliance," he said, letting his arms drop to his sides. "And I recognized Muston's supply wagon sitting on the outside of your camp. When I snuck into the Alliance camp at the hope of finding you, I didn't see you around the kitchens so I thought I would check for you out here—"

Ilyana couldn't take it any longer. The shock of seeing him now was too much. Before he could even finish, Ilyana rushed at him and threw her arms around his waist. "I-I wanted to see you again," she choked, barely holding back her tears, "but I was afraid that you wouldn't want to because you would be angry with me."

Zihark looked down at her, obviously confused. "Angry, Ilyana?" he asked. His voice was soft and gentle. "My dear, why in the world would I be angry with you?"

"Because," she said softly, "I didn't even both to say goodbye to you when the merchants and I left Daein a few months ago." She could already feel the tears running down her cheeks, likely because she still feared he was furious with her. "I was afraid that you would have thought me insensitive for doing so, that I didn't care for you anymore."

Much to her surprise, Zihark smiled. "Is that what's been bothering you, Ilyana?" He wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I never once thought you didn't care about me anymore. If anything, I thought you would have felt the same about me. That's why I wanted to come and see you tonight if I could." His eyes met hers. "You see, I was the one who left without leaving any word to you at all."

Ilyana frowned. "What…what do you mean? You didn't leave. You were still with the Daein army when I left, the night after we retook the capital."

Zihark shook his head. "No, actually I wasn't. You may have been too busy eating to notice, but do you remember when Tormod and the others left for Gallia that same night?" Ilyana nodded. "I thought I would catch up with them and pay them a quick farewell before they got too far away. On my way back to the Daein camp, I sat down to rest for a few moments and before I knew it, I had drifted off to sleep. When I woke up, it was morning and you were already gone before _I _could say goodbye." He obviously sounded regretful, but Ilyana caught more than just a subtle hint of embarrassment in his voice.

Ilyana actually chuckled. "That…was very careless of you, Zihark." For some reason, the news didn't make her angry or relieved that it was his fault, only relieved that he wasn't angry with her as she had thought. It actually struck her as rather humorous, the thought of him falling asleep like that. "So, what you're saying is that—"

"That you worried for nothing, yes," he finished for her and hugged her close. "So, if anything, I should be the one who is apologizing to you, Ilyana. It was because of my carelessness that I wasn't able to see again before you left and that I inadvertently made _you_ feel as though you were in the wrong. So, if you can, can you forgive me, Ilyana?"

Ilyana found herself hugging him back. "Of course," she assured him. "How could I not?" They held each other there for a moment, listening to the wind blow. She felt him softly combing her hair with his fingers and her slim arms tightened around him. Ilyana wished they could just stay there for as long as they wanted to, through the night and into the next day, pretending that this horribly askew war they were fighting in didn't exist at all.

But she knew that wouldn't happen. "Will you be going back across the river tomorrow?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"I think I'll have to," Zihark said, pulling her closer. "Unfortunately, that's the way these things happen sometimes. I can't just abandon Micaiah and the others so readily. Come tomorrow, by all rights we'll be enemies again. If things happen to turn a different way, however, maybe I'll be able to see you again on different terms. If it means anything, I'll make sure that no harm befalls you at the river."

Ilyana felt the tears return. She knew what would happen then, but she respected his devotion to his own ideals and beliefs. It was so hard and confusing to understand, having to fight against the people you cared for, alongside others you claimed as your friends. It made her head hurt. She couldn't think of anything to say to him about it right now, not wanting to ruin the brief time they would have together.

"Then promise me that you won't leave me until then," she pleaded.

"I promise," he whispered.

"I do have one question, though."

"And what's that?"

"Do you have food on you right now? It's been nearly two hours since I ate last and I didn't bring any snacks up here with me."

This time Zihark laughed and kissed her on the forehead. Ilyana felt herself blush. For now, at least, all was well.

_-La Fin-_

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><p><strong>Ending Note:<strong> DAMN YOU, SKYRIM. Ahem, sorry. I had this mostly finished, really planned on putting on the finishing touches and getting this up yesterday, but I got…distracted…by dragons and such. Sorry about that. I'm so shameful. Still hope you liked it, Firefly. And for anybody wondering about Zelgius and _Dark Destiny_, I think I'll have the next chapter up before New Year's, if not on New Year's.


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